Life changes when you have a baby. It’s stressful and overwhelming. Somehow, at the same time, it forces you to confront who you are. You’re often told that you shouldn’t make any important changes when you’re grieving. If someone in your life passes, don’t go and buy a house or decide to change your life long career. They should also be telling you not to make such decisions after giving birth or bringing a baby into your life.
Following the birth of my daughter, my life was turned upside down.
I had another perfect little human to share my life with. You would think that I would be filled with happiness.
Of course I was.
I was also suddenly filled with fear.
Fear of failing. Of not being good enough as a wife or as a mother. Fear that my priorities were wrong. That I was going in the wrong direction.
So naturally, I did what I do best. I threw myself shoulders deep in research in an attempt to answer the age old question.
“Who am I?”
I’ll spare you the nitty gritty details of late night crying and early morning journalling.
Instead, I’ll tell you how I’ve come out the other side.
I figured out that I spent far more time on social media that I liked. In an attempt to be the best blogger I could be, I went down the rabbit hole, so to speak. I joined every blogger, business and homesteading group I could find. I would read every article on Pinterest strategies, SEO and blogging basics that was out there.
I got burn out. Big time.
I stopped enjoying it. I struggled to find time to actually homestead. I actually started to make excuses to not do it.
One day, I woke up and realised that long before I’d ever heard of Marie Kondo and her life organizing ways, I had always told myself if it didn’t make me happy, I wasn’t going to do it.
So I deleted my social media. All of it. Ok, I still have Pinterest. But I started pinning on secret boards for my own use, rather than for blogging purposes.
It took me an entire week to get out of the habit of reaching for my phone to check my notifications.
I started taking photos of my children and my home because I wanted to remember the memory, not because it would make a good blog photo.
I started living more intentionally, remembering that I love my role as a homemaker and a homesteader.
My husband and I made a vision board and set 5 year goals. We remembered what was important to us.
This is how I came back to Mama Zed’s Homestead.
I remembered who I am.
I want to thank my beautiful readers for being so patient. For enduring the ups and downs that have been the last six months. I apologise for being human and hope that you can bear with me. I had let myself focus too much on the technical aspects of this blog that I lost sight of why I started it in the first place. To share my love of homesteading and inspire other women to do the same.
Rather than focusing on being as good as the other blogs out there, I’m going to just be me. Whoever that might be.
I can’t promise that I’ll always know who that is.
But I do know who that is right now and rather than worrying about showing a picture picture, polished product (say that five times fast…), I’m going to just show the real me.
I received an overwhelming amount of support after announcing that I was going in a new direction. I was also humbled by the amount of people that asked me to come back.
To the people still reading, even if it is only one person, I have this to say.
You are all the reason I need to keep writing.
For that, I thank you.